Made it 14 City Blocks Without Breathing....

Okay, so..
It's nearly 2 am, and I should SO be sleeping.
But... I can't. =(

I keep thinking about England. I keep thinking about how much fun it could have been if I had just decided to keep it as a holiday. Or maybe tried harder to get a job.
Would I still be there now?
Or would I have missed home too much?

I looked at some pictures, and it made me sad to see them. I miss it a little. I miss the good days. I am sad about the bad days, still wishing that they could have gone better.

I'm sad for friendships that will never be rekindled.

I know I can't go back and change anything... And the only way to get over something is to move forward, and not dwell... But, oh I don't know. I wish things had gone better.

Sometimes I want to cry about how everything turned out.
I lost friends, I starved, I literally lost all confidence in myself.
It took me so long to find myself again.

I think the reason I'm thinking about it lately, is because I feel like I'm losing myself all over again.
I don't want to lose myself.
I want to be happy with myself. Inside and out.
And I'm not. At all.
I feel like I'm gaining weight again.
I feel like an elephant all over again.
I don't like my hair. I think it looks terrible.
But I'm too scared to change it.
I'm too scared to do anything about everything.

I need to take action.
But how?