I'm not safer than a bank, bitch.

Alright, updatey-doo!

The Shiloh thing was actually not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.
She's actually a really nice girl. So easy to talk to.
And, get this, she has actual talent.

Now, I'm not saying I like her music, but she's got an amazing voice. She could definitely put it to better use, but that's just my opinion. Not everyone is made to like everything.

I've been listening to a lot of Matthew Good lately.
My God, is that man ever depressing...
But I'm a little 'blah' lately, so it seems to fit.
The weird thing is, listening to such depressing bullshit makes me feel a little better, and a little worse at the same time. It cannot be explained.

But it does help me think, which in the long run, helps, I'm sure.


Anyways, I'm starting to wonder if I did the right thing with going to Starbucks.
I mean, I like it, I really do... but my boss can be a huge dickhead. Some times he's super nice, and other times, I wish it were socially acceptable to punch your manager in the face.
That's not very nice, is it? I'm sorry.

The thing is, if I wanted to transfer, he would probably hate my guts, put a bad word in for me, and then I either wouldn't get the shift supervisor promotion at another store, or I just wouldn't have great luck in the entire transferring process anyways.

I guess what I mean, really, is that I'm not regretting going to Starbucks, because I hated the theatre SO much, but I think I probably didn't pick the right location...

Oh really, Kaylee... Starbucks downtown wasn't the right location? How weird.

Obviously I know it's a 'duh' statement, but whatever.

Point is, it was stupid of me to go downtown, but smart of me to leave the theatre. And who knows... maybe things will get better... easier... you know. All that jazz.

Getting up at 3am just to get to your job by 5 isn't easy, and yet, in the morning, I say to myself "This sucks, but it sure as hell beats waking up knowing that I'll be working in the movie theatre all day."
And I suddenly laugh, because I'm taking waking up at three in the freaking morning better than I can take waking up at ten in the morning to work at the theatre.

I started feeling bitter about life again.
I think I'm angry with people I shouldn't care about.
It's not my problem anymore. I shouldn't have let their antics and stupidity get to me.

It just blows my mind that people I have been there for, are on the opposite side of things, and I wonder, why would they trust someone like that, when they know what they've done to other people? Why would they set themselves up for such a fall?
And of course, the ever-so-selfish, I have been there for you for so long, why are you taking their side? It is completely unfair.

I guess it's because I have so many unanswered questions. Or maybe just the one... "Why?"
"Why would you do that?"
"Why do you think it's okay?"
"Why did you lie when you were caught?"
"Why?"

It's not like it was a serious relationship (thank God I don't have sex, or I'd be crazy, I think), but it's the lying that gets to me.
It bothers me, because it makes me think that he thought I was an idiot, and wouldn't know better. It bothers me because I was thought to be naive enough to believe him.
It bothers me because he thought I'd never find out.
It bothers me because when I did, he lied, saying it wasn't true.
IT BOTHERS ME, BECAUSE NOW I DO FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.
IT BOTHERS ME, BECAUSE I TRUSTED HIM NOT TO BE SOMEONE LIKE THAT.

Oh, but wait, I seem to have forgotten, according to him "we weren't really dating.. we didn't do any of the dating stuff, so it doesn't matter."
What IS 'dating stuff', may I ask?
Because as far as I knew, going out to see movies, and have dinner was a date... Calling me your girlfriend is a 'dating thing'... cuddling up and watching a movie seems sort of 'datey' to me.
But I don't know... maybe I've got a traditional mind for this sort of thing. These are modern times. I was probably just ill-informed.

It's been over a month, and I'm still angry. I shouldn't be, and that's what makes me even more angry. Because he is a worthless person. I shouldn't care.
But I've found it's not him that I care about... It's what happened, I think.

Anyways, I think I just needed to let these thoughts go. They've been pent up for quite a while. I think to just let this go, I needed a release. And I hope this is it.

Sorry this entry wasn't so happy.
A little angry, perhaps?
But, it helps to get it out there. Try it sometime.