I want to title this entry "Things I will never actually tell you."

There are a lot of things that I would like to say to a lot of people, but I feel I can't, because it would either make me a giant bitch, or feel vulnerable.

So, here comes the easy way out.
I will just number things, and then say what I feel about certain people.

That way, you all can think you're the worst/best one, and hate/love me for it.

1)I really don't want to see your face again. And to hear that I will soon makes me want to punch a small child.

2)I liked the connection we had. It was like, we were a secret duo. But something confirmed that we don't have it anymore, and I have been replaced. I don't feel too good about that, but this feels like one of those situations where, if I try to get that connection back, it will just end unsuccessfully. But it's not like I didn't see it coming. I honestly knew it would, it just kind of sucks... a lot.

3)You are probably my closest friend right now, and sometimes I get scared that I'll get too annoying for you, and push you away, and then I'll have no one. So I'm sorry if I do annoy you sometimes.

4)Seriously, this better not change you, because I will not support you in anything if you decide to push everyone else in your life to the backburner. I cannot stand when people do that. I shouldn't say I won't support you in anything, but I know for sure our friendship will be ruined if you do that. It will be hard for me to trust you, and to want to be around you.

5)You already have pushed your friends away.

6)I love you, bro. But you know this is going to end badly. It did the last 3 times.

7)You gross me out. I don't know what it is. And it's super mean to say something like that, but seriously, you gross me out. And almost everything you do annoys the piss out of me.

8)When you called me, it cheered me up. And then I got sad, because I remembered how long it actually was since I had talked to you that normally.

9)Part of me still wishes we had never stopped being friends

10) I miss your guts! This one applies to at least 3 or 5 people right now. I miss your faces people! See me!


And now on to what I am personally feeling right now.

I feel stressed at work. Both places.
I don't know if what I'm doing is the right thing, but I suppose I'm just hoping it is.

I feel really alone.
Like, I have things that I want to say, but I can never end up saying them to anyone. And not just what's written above, but... what I feel on an ongoing basis.
So it's always just "fine"
Or "I'm... alright."
Because instead of "fine" or "alright", I can't manage to say "Yeah, I'm really shitty. I'm stuck at two jobs, and I don't make enough money at either one. I'm really far in debt, and I can never seem to find a way out. I feel like I don't ever have any time off, and it stresses me out.", or "I just feel really alone, you know? Like, I just want someone in my life that cares deeply about me. And just that alone feeling is enough to keep me down."
I especially can't tell people the second one, because then I'm just weird. And very weak for not embracing my singlehood.

I really wanted to write more, but I keep falling asleep, and I wanted to get this much down before I forgot.
Toodles and shit.