Alright, well, I feel less depressed, but more... trapped?

I picked up a second job. I don't know how I feel about that.
Actually I do.
I feel extremely trapped.
And I'm scared.
I just have to keep telling myself that it's temporary.

T-E-M-P-O-R-A-R-Y.

This is not forever.
Just until February.

Because I decided that I am, in fact, going to go to England.
I have to.
It broke my heart to know that I couldn't.
So I am doing everything in my power to make it happen.
It will be a very happy 20th birthday. It has to be.

If I snap, don't admit me into the psych ward until AFTER I get back, okay? =)

In other news.
Starbucks is cool for the most part.
Been doing more bookwork than anything though lately.
Wooooooo Shift Supervisor training, and all the gayness that ensues. Hahahaha.
Oh well.
I will be awesome.
Right?

I honestly don't have much to report.
I'm poor as dirt.
And I want my life to be going a little better than it is.
But that's not out of the ordinary.


Oh. Something completely...... I don't even know... happened.
Something I never expected to happen, happened. And it just let me.. let go. I thought I had, but I guess I really didn't.
So, thank you. Thank you for letting me move on from what happened.

And now I'm done with being cryptic ;-)
And I'm done with this entry.

I just wanted to say thank you.

Seriously.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I know that if I cannot do this all by myself, you will help. And that means so much to me.
Because it's hard for me to ask for that help, for fear of being rejected.

You are a great friend. Like amazing.

Although, you, being the uh, confident person that you are, probably already know that. ;-)

But in all seriousness.
I cannot thank you enough.
If I do need your help, you know I will repay you to the best of my ability.

I'm sure almost everyone knows this, but...being poor completely sucks.

So, I was getting all excited, because I was going to go to England for my 20th birthday.
I was going to party hard. (Well, as hard as I party, anyways.)
I had already started saving up.
And I was getting so psyched for it.


And then I realized.
I can't afford it.
Oh boy do I ever want to afford it.
But I am up to my ears in credit card debt.
I want to move out by Christmas. I love living at home and all, but I'm almost 20, and I've never felt great about paying my own mother rent.
I have to pay for a car, and insurance.
I also have to pay for a phone bill, and gas.

I don't actually see any of my cheques.
Which is making it impossible to save for England.

I feel like crap.
It was one thing I had my heart set on, and now I can't do it.

I actually feel lower than low.

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