I honestly think I need a therapist...

I have odd panic attacks from time to time because I think the world is ending, and I don't have enough time to live my life.

Every time I have one of these attacks, mom thinks it's just a phase, and I need to pray about it.

And maybe I do, but I also need to talk to someone who I can physically see, and hear. And if I talk to friends, or someone I know, I feel like I'll freak them out with how I feel, or they'll think I'm absolutely psycho.

Ugh, I don't know. I don't like this.

I get freaked out when I hear about natural disasters happening rapidly, and not just in the normal way, but I actually think "Holy shit, these shouldn't be happening back to back. The world is crumbling."
Maybe I am just a loon.

Anyways, point is, I had a minor attack this morning, and they freak me out so bad. I don't know what to do.

I am in love with Glee.

I don't know what it is about that damned show, but it has captured my heart.
And even with all the hype, tonight's episode did not disappoint. Not even in the slightest.
I got goosebumps during 'Like a Prayer'. Ahhhhhh, it was amazing.

Anyways, speaking of Glee, a friend of a few friends of mine, and someone I've only had the pleasure of meeting once, is trying out for Glee, and I would really appreciate it if everyone who even skims over this blog could vote for him. Boy has got talent, and I'm rooting for him.
Here's the link to his audition video, http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=530639268

Please please pleeeaaaaaase give him a gold star, and spread the word around.

Plus, who doesn't love that he sang some REO Speedwagon? Genius.


And before I go to bed, here's a short little story on something stupid that happened today.

Remember in my last entry, how I said I had to be up at 3am today? Yeah, I didn't.
I got up at 3:45, missed my train, decided to drive, got to work by 5, only to find that I didn't work until 12:30. That is the last freaking time I ask someone else when I work, LOL.
Oh well, shit happens I guess, hahahaha.
Needless to say, I got back into my car, drove home in peace, and slept for a few more hours.

Although I'm crap at telling stories, I hope the thought of that made you giggle.

Time for sleeps. Goodnight internet. xx

Tomorrow is a long, long time, when you've lost your way.

So, just when I started to worry that talk of my promotion was just words to shut me up, and keep me happy, I get a call from my manager today telling me that my district manager would love to sit down with me and talk to me about it.
This is awesome, but am I ready?!

I hope so.

I know I've talked about being scared, and wondering if I'm ready and all that jazz, and it must just sound like whining, but I'm really counting on this. Like... really counting on this.

Also, I think I'm going boy crazy again.
No good can come out of this. I can smell the odor of desperate loser seeping out of me whenever I see a mildly good-looking male.
The only thing keeping me from being classified as a total desperate psycho is the fact that I never make any moves... ever. I don't even flirt. No wonder all men think I'm gay, hah.
"Kaylee, how are you going to ever meet someone if you don't put yourself out there?"
Meh, I dunno.
It'll happen.
Or I'll be an old cat lady forever. But that's okay, I love cats.
Oh, I made a promise I'd stop whining about boys, didn't I?

Okay, I will.
I'm sorry.
The only time you'll hear me talk about boys is if something hilarious/embarrassing/cute happened. Deal?
(I'll probably whine about WHY I think I have issues with men though. I tend to psychoanalyze myself all the time)

But it is definitely bed time. I have to be up at 3am. Ew.
But before I sign off, if there are any random readers stumbling across this, please, don't hesitate to 'follow' me. Even if you don't find me that interesting. Boost my ego a little ;)

It starts where it ends. Oh, and then we start the end.

These past few weeks have been interesting...

I've been trying to lay low for the most part, you know, stop myself from spending money that shouldn't be spent, haha.
It's really quite easy when you don't wanna go out anywhere.

But I have made an exception this past week.
I went out on BSD.
Now, strangers reading this will be like "LOL, K?", but people know know me, know I don't really go out drinking that often. In fact, my closest friends can only count on one hand the amount of times I've been drunk.

But I had fun. I went out with intention to have fun, and meet new people. And that's exactly what I did.
I cannot remember most of their names, but I'm sure they can't remember mine either.

So, my BSD adventure was interesting...
I went to a frat house.
Yes... a frat house... in Calgary. And it's legit.
I socialised, drank, and danced. Like actual dancing. It was funny/cute.
Point is, it's exactly what I needed to let loose for a bit.
I've been so high strung lately, and it's not cool. Not cool for anyone.

So, to Jessica, who will never read this; Thank you for making me go out. I did need it.

I have also made a summer resolution. I am going to have shittons of fun this year, and also get fit.
Not because I think I'm gross. But because I decided I just need to be healthier. I've already got a biking buddy, which should be fun. And I'm thinking of picking up running. We'll see how that goes, though. Because I've tried to pick up running before, went for about a week, then dropped it, because 'life got too busy'. Lol ya rite. I was just too lazy.

So, I may update you on how the healthier version of my life is going, but most-likely, I'll ignore my blog again. I seem to do that a lot lately, haha.
My bad~
But in reality no one cares.
I just use this blog to bitch, vent, and update.

MY LIFE NEEDS MORE EXCITEMENT!

So, courage, teach me to be shy.

I cannot even explain to you the awkwardness of my day yesterday.

I would love to tell my readers what happened, but I can't write it in such a way that is not insulting.

Let's just say this;
I'm a shitty person, but you don't get to come to my door in the middle of Easter dinner demanding an apology/explanation.
I wholeheartedly apologized, but you got an explanation. I can only see us being friends, and I'm sorry that I can't feel more. But there's nothing else I can do.

But who didn't already know that I'm an asshole?
I mean, come on.
It's me.

I'm selfish, and whiny. Of course I'm an asshole. It's just the way I am.


Anyways, in other news, I bought two books today.
Books that I should definitely read, because they should be read by everyone.
And I have not gotten around to it... until now.
Wanna know what they are?

No?
Too bad.

I have purchased The Count of Monte Cristo, and Great Expectations.
Both of which are timeless classics, and both of which I definitely should have read by now.

Hey, at least I'll look a little intelligent whilst reading them on the train now, eh? ;-)

In other news.
I need a holiday.
I need to get out of here.

Help?

And every breath we drew was hallelujah.

Okay, so...
I have come to the conclusion that I am the biggest jerk on the planet.
Seriously.

This guy likes me, and I think I really like him too.
He's a great guy, has a good head on his shoulders, and I've known him for a while.

But it turns out, I don't actually like him for the right reasons.
I only like him as a friend. And I think I only thought I liked him, because he liked me.

And it took me until we went on a date to figure that out.

And telling him that there's pretty much no chance made me feel so bad.
But there's no point in keeping something going if you just can't feel that way, right?

But enough of moping about that...
Why not rant about something I'm mad about?

I was best friends with someone for years, and in the last 2 years of our friendship, I had been treated like shit.
Absolute shit.
And I put up with it, hoping it would change.
And it never did. Not once.
So I stopped talking to her, and it took her 3 months to notice.
3 MONTHS.
So she finally has the guts to sit down and talk to me, and promises she's going to try, and she's going to make an effort.
it's been 3 weeks.
Has she even breathed in my direction?
No.
I told her "I'm not going to try to fight for this friendship unless you are going to make an effort."
So I think I got her answer on this one. It was nice being friends when you were a friend to me. I'll always be here if you need me, but I'm done trying when you won't show any effort at all to keep this friendship.

I'm not a doormat, and I'm tired of people thinking I am.

I'm not in a good mood, clearly.

Happy Easter.